On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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