never play flip cup with pint glasses
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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