i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
