Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize