your parents love me but you hate me
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
