So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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