Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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