I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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