its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize