Duck Duck Cougar?
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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