Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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