my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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