i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
