my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
