Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize