oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize