I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
This is the high leading the old right now
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
