Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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