guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
