In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
