I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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