guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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