the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
