You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
