You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
