Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize