I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
