I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
