Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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