I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
