when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
