i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
