Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
