I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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