Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
