What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
They took my balls.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
