True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
how does that bad decision feel?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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