Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
