did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
