He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
