you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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