Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Watching her eat just hurts me
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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