Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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