Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
i now understand why vodka
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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