I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize