i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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