we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
