3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
