Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
it's like iHOP with fire
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize