Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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