There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
