I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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