If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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