i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
