you guys were way drunker than both of me
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
