upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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