The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
