so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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