I could make wine with my vomit
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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