morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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