We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
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