Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
