The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
