She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
