I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
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