Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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