She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize