True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
