I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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