It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
