The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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