Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
