I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
God, I missed his penis.
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