In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
