New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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