While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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