There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
