i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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