Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize