I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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