We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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