man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
