if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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