Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
