I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
