I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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