i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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