I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
