so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
