my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
