Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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