Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize
