her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
