Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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