I faked an abortion last night.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Found the puke drawer
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
