Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize