In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
