That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
she told me i tasted like america
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
