My nipple is on Facebook.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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