grandma shit on top of the toilet
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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