dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Randomize
