How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Randomize
