dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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