The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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