too bad you live with your parents still
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
