You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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