you guys were way drunker than both of me
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
