Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
