Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
